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Post by james on Jun 13, 2013 21:13:43 GMT 2
A guy in a hurry used the ladies 'toilet in a posh hotel'.. He sat down and noticed four buttons - WW, WA, PP & APR. Curious, he pressed WW & his butt was gently sprayed with WARM WATER, he loved it so much! He then pressed WA & a blast of WARM AIR dried him up. Still loving it, He pressed PP & a POWDER PUFF to make him smell fresh. Feeling pampered, he decided to press the last button APR. He later woke up in a hospital. A nurse smiled & said to him, Sir, APR means AUTOMATIC PAD REMOVER. When the machine couldn't find a pad on you, it went for your balls. Your balls are in the jar over there!
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Post by Grecian on Jun 14, 2013 19:56:37 GMT 2
FFS! Can you re-format that shite joke please, James?...
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Post by james on Jun 15, 2013 10:32:54 GMT 2
Brain Teaser ~ Fill in the blanks with the same 4 letters to make 5 different words.
A ---- old woman on ---- bent, picked up her ---- and away she went. " ---- my son" she was heard to say, "what shall we do to ---- today ? "
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Post by james on Jun 15, 2013 10:33:14 GMT 2
That one's just for you/
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Post by Grecian on Jun 15, 2013 19:30:25 GMT 2
Try something harder next time, old Bean!
Vile Evil Veil Levi and Live.
Keep 'em coming!
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Post by james on Aug 9, 2013 14:53:42 GMT 2
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
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Post by Grecian on Aug 9, 2013 21:16:43 GMT 2
Many Stand Up Comedians in Saffer Land??
I went to the Doctor's this morning as I had a Strawberry stuck in my arse....
Doctor said "I've got some cream for that!"
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Post by Baz Faz on Dec 28, 2013 9:52:24 GMT 2
I say, I say, I say...
By long standing tradition (OK, three years) when we attend a NY Eve party Mrs Faz and I do a turn. The first year we sang Oh, Sir Jasper do not Touch Me... with Mrs Faz doing appropriate gestures. The English loved it. The French were baffled and the German couple were very earnest, 'Tell me, why do you have these periods of silence when you are singing nothing?'
This year we'll do a little music hall turn and we need some one-liners. You know, 'What's red and bad for your teeth?' 'A brick.'
All contributions welcome.
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Post by Baz Faz on Dec 28, 2013 19:54:26 GMT 2
Bit quiet here today.
Do you think the French would appreciate this one:
Deux escargots se prominent sur la plage. Soudain ils apercoivent une limace. 'Oups,' dit l'un d'eux, 'nous sommes sur la plage des nudistes.'
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Post by Grecian on Dec 28, 2013 20:59:41 GMT 2
No idea as it's in Frog Speak...
Man walks into a Bar - an iron Bar... Horse walks into a pub..."Why the long face?" "Doctor! I've broken my arm in 2 places!"...."Well, don't go to those places!" What is brown and sticky?...A Stick. What is black and white yet red all over?...A Newspaper.
I'm sure Mrs Baz will pull it off on the Night....
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Post by welle on Mar 27, 2014 10:43:28 GMT 2
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Post by Grecian on Mar 27, 2014 20:58:53 GMT 2
You either tell a Joke on here or feck orf, Welle!
Any To55er can post a Link to a Joke!
My two kids were distraught and crying last night....
I put Ginger in the curry....
...They loved that cat!
GEDDON! That's a Cracker!
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Post by happytraveller on Mar 31, 2014 9:31:55 GMT 2
Ha ! Welle the link is great !
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Post by Grecian on Mar 31, 2014 19:42:13 GMT 2
Welle bully for her - I refuse to open the Link through stubborness...
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Post by happytraveller on Apr 1, 2014 7:32:16 GMT 2
Ha !
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Post by Grecian on Apr 1, 2014 20:33:06 GMT 2
AND!!! Making up text messages to make them funny is so passe and Last Year!
(eff! I honestly did NOT open the Link; I just guessed what it involved!)
"Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat flap"
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Post by welle on May 2, 2014 21:20:10 GMT 2
Hehe, Grecian I'm impressed by your psychic abilities. I'll be back when I can think of a joke.
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Post by Grecian on May 4, 2014 20:03:18 GMT 2
I won't hold my breath then! And don't borrow someone elses 'sigline' next time what with your "I'll be back"! A bit of Anti Irish humo(u)r now as it's all kicking off on the Sports branch of The Stew at the moment!
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Post by welle on Jun 23, 2014 22:11:31 GMT 2
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Post by Grecian on Jun 24, 2014 0:17:33 GMT 2
What do you Fucking think??
It's a Joke Thread...
Take that Shite Upstairs...
Daft knut...
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Post by Baz Faz on Jul 11, 2014 16:22:02 GMT 2
What's the difference between the England team and a teabag?
The teabag stays in the cup longer.
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Post by Grecian on Jul 11, 2014 20:22:57 GMT 2
Oooooh! I heard that joke about Arsenal maybe 20 years ago!
France weren't much better and I'd rather be Engalnd than Brasil or Spain!
I bought an alcoholic Ginger Beer....
He wasn't happy....
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Post by Grecian on Aug 18, 2014 20:35:16 GMT 2
The headline in the local paper...
"Boy tossed off Cliff" made me think that it was some shocking act of violence..
Then I remembered that you should be wary of who is lurking in The Shadows...
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Post by Grecian on Nov 29, 2014 21:31:11 GMT 2
I've applied for a job in Seoul...
...I think it would be a good Korea move..
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