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Post by Baz Faz on Nov 4, 2022 20:11:11 GMT 2
My publisher wants a shoutline for the cover of my book. That is a very short phrase that will draw the potential reader in. The potential reader only has the cover and this shoutline to go on. I appreciate you know nothing about the book but neither does the potential reader. Which phrase would grab you?
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Post by auntieannie on Nov 4, 2022 20:46:51 GMT 2
Of the four options, the first one is the most "grabby" for a reader, I think. the fourth one ain't bad either as a shoutline. No 2 is ... well ... crap... in my honest opinion. No 3 strikes me as ... not right.
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Post by OnlyMark on Nov 4, 2022 23:20:19 GMT 2
Well, I don't have any suggestions but it is easy to be negative, so I will.
1) "It started with".. a kiss, Hot Chocolate. "One is never enough" - sounds like a James Bond movie title or something a sweet manufacturer would come up with. And probably has been.
2) "When an evil man dies the vultures circle." - seems disconnected. Vultures don't circle when something is dead. They only circle when something is dying. - "When an evil man dies the vultures feast." would be more accurate. But they'd feast even if it was a good man who died. That's what vultures do - eat dead stuff, evil or not. Why not "the hyenas circle"? Never mind they don't either but it's too predictable to be talking of vultures when hyenas are more interesting and often are likened to human characteristics anyway.
3) "He was evil. He was your father. And you never knew him." - Star Wars rip off. Don't touch it it a barge pole.
4) "Sometimes the sins of the father are just too great...." - for what? The sins are supposed to have consequences for the offspring and the consequences occur no matter how great they are. It's a moot point if they are great or not. So....?
"When the death of evil affects the many."
"Killing/Death/Dying is/can be addictive."
"With the death of an evil father the aftermath......."
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Post by Voy on Nov 5, 2022 1:47:44 GMT 2
I picked 3,,, but I never saw any of the Star Wars movies , so didn't know. Even knowing, I like it - to me it's a lead in...but what do I know?
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Post by auntieannie on Nov 5, 2022 6:47:26 GMT 2
Only Mark has it! You're always scarily thorough, Mark
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Post by Scrubb on Nov 5, 2022 7:13:00 GMT 2
I like slight variations on number 1 or number 4. Taking in OnlyMark's comments, how about something like:
It started with one death.
(it already holds the implication that more will follow).
or
When the sins of the fathers cannot be forgiven.
("Sometimes" and "just" are too wishywashy/not punchy enough)
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Post by Netsuke on Nov 5, 2022 19:16:33 GMT 2
Number 1 “grabbed” my attention right away - if I read that, I’d definitely want to read the book.
“It started with one death. One is never enough.” Definitely!
P.S. I confess to not having read anyone else’s posts yet.
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Post by rikita on Nov 7, 2022 23:54:00 GMT 2
i prefer nr. 3, and i didn't think of star wars when i read it - it could be worded a bit differently, i think, but at the same time it's the one that made me wonder most what exactly is going to happen in the book (it is kind of the one that most sounds like a story already, which might be the reason i prefer it - 2 and 4 don't really say much, and thus don't make me interested ...)
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Post by OnlyMark on Nov 8, 2022 8:07:51 GMT 2
How can you not think of Star Wars?
"He was evil" - Darth Vader.
"He was your father" - Darth Vader, father of Luke Skywalker and his twin sister Princess Leia.
"And you never knew him" - major, major plot theme/twist that Luke didn't know Darth was his father.
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Post by Voy on Nov 8, 2022 15:14:19 GMT 2
it's VERY easy not to think of
Star Wars if you have never seen any of them !
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Post by Baz Faz on Nov 8, 2022 19:04:25 GMT 2
it's VERY easy not to think of Star Wars if you have never seen any of them ! I have never seen any of the Star Wars films so it never occurred to me. |
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Post by OnlyMark on Nov 8, 2022 20:09:55 GMT 2
I believe they are quite popular.
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Post by auntieannie on Nov 8, 2022 20:38:47 GMT 2
funny how each of us had a different opinion on this question. I enjoyed reading all the answers and can't wait to find out what Baz will have decided to do.
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Post by Baz Faz on Nov 8, 2022 20:49:53 GMT 2
funny how each of us had a different opinion on this question. I enjoyed reading all the answers and can't wait to find out what Baz will have decided to do. It is the publisher who will decide (unless I have very strong objections) Sensibly they are waiting until the cover is completed. Covers are very troublesome. Most authors hate them. I had to put my lttle foot down when I saw the design for One Lives, One dies. This is set largely in Bolivia and down in the Amazon lowlands. But there are also scenes in Florida and in Natal in South Africa. What did the designer come up with? A snow scene. I was furious. |
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Post by sophie on Nov 9, 2022 4:40:59 GMT 2
Baz, someone was an illiterate employee there!
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Post by Baz Faz on Nov 10, 2022 19:51:36 GMT 2
My publisher suggests:
Old sins cast long shadows
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Post by OnlyMark on Nov 10, 2022 20:41:52 GMT 2
That sounds reasonable enough to me.
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Post by Baz Faz on Nov 10, 2022 21:18:46 GMT 2
And:
Death is only the beginning
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Post by auntieannie on Nov 11, 2022 15:55:09 GMT 2
"Old sins cast a long shadow..." I like that. Not a fan of "Death is only the beginning"
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Post by Scrubb on Nov 12, 2022 7:37:21 GMT 2
I agree with annie!
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Post by Netsuke on Nov 12, 2022 8:05:41 GMT 2
My publisher suggests: Old sins cast long shadows My immediate thought was I’ve heard that before and then it came to me. There was a film with Audie Murphy called “Cast A Long Shadow” - it was based in a novel of the same name by Wayne D. Overholser. The film was an American Western. My mother loved Audie Murphy. Quote by Agatha Christie: “Old sins have long shadows.” “Old sins cast long shadows” is a television episode in series 5 of the show Ghost Whisperer. As “Old sins cast long shadows” is a well known idiom, I’m not surprised to find it used in so many different ways. |
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Post by Baz Faz on Nov 12, 2022 11:47:03 GMT 2
My publisher suggests: Old sins cast long shadows My immediate thought was I’ve heard that before and then it came to me. There was a film with Audie Murphy called “Cast A Long Shadow” - it was based in a novel of the same name by Wayne D. Overholser. The film was an American Western. My mother loved Audie Murphy. Quote by Agatha Christie: “Old sins have long shadows.” “Old sins cast long shadows” is a television episode in series 5 of the show Ghost Whisperer. As “Old sins cast long shadows” is a well known idiom, I’m not surprised to find it used in so many different ways. My publisher, when suggesting it, said it was an Agatha Christie title. |
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Post by Baz Faz on Nov 13, 2022 12:19:08 GMT 2
He spies. He dies. He lies.
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Post by auntieannie on Nov 13, 2022 16:51:01 GMT 2
oh, nice one!
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Post by Voy on Nov 13, 2022 18:12:43 GMT 2
it had me confoozed -- did he lie before he died? and is he speaking from the grave or just lying there?
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Post by Baz Faz on Nov 13, 2022 18:30:07 GMT 2
it had me confoozed -- did he lie before he died? and is he speaking from the grave or just lying there? You must be doubly confused by the title: Dead Man Telling Tales. |
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Post by Netsuke on Nov 14, 2022 12:45:36 GMT 2
I want to say something about the lies dies and what was the other one? Anyways that one. I shall come back to this when I have composed myself more fully no reflextednonnwhatbisnia I am trying to say. It concerns Voy’a posts too.
Anyway I’m in the middle of watching a drama rom/com. Like Arnie, I’ll be back!
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Post by Baz Faz on Nov 14, 2022 18:13:35 GMT 2
I want to say something about the lies dies and what was the other one? Anyways that one. I shall come back to this when I have composed myself more fully no reflextednonnwhatbisnia I am trying to say. It concerns Voy’a posts too. Anyway I’m in the middle of watching a drama rom/com. Like Arnie, I’ll be back! Netsie, Voy and I are trembling in our socks as we await your devastating critique. |
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Post by Netsuke on Nov 15, 2022 3:59:55 GMT 2
He spies. He dies. He lies.
Did he lie before he died? and is he speaking from the grave or just lying there?
You must be doubly confused by the title: Dead Man Telling Tales.
Netsie, Voy and I are trembling in our socks as we await your devastating critique.
1. I would never make a good spy - I’d tell them straight away where the treasure was. No lying there!
2. No. Honesty is the bestest policy, except for when it might incriminate you.
3. Dead men don’t tell tales, they just sing a little when strumming their harps.
4. Dead men don’t wear socks - they aren’t a requirement up there. And if you’re in the other place, it is always hot I am told so socks are never needed.
This is the Gospel according to Netsuke.
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Post by Baz Faz on Nov 15, 2022 12:29:16 GMT 2
Netsie, he lies about dying.
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