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Post by where_is_my_mind on Jul 30, 2015 22:03:13 GMT 2
you entered a social situation all by yourself and had to be chatty and charming with a big group of strangers? I am going riding with the local moped 'gang' (not really a gang  ) tonight and I very distantly know one person and I already have a nervous stomach about riding up to the group on my own. I'm trying to think of the last time I did something like this and I'm drawing a blank. |
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Post by auntieannie on Jul 30, 2015 22:29:46 GMT 2
I do that on a fairly regular basis. ride up to the group and then see what happens. if you don't feel comfortable/happy with them, you can always leave again. but I'm sure you'll meet at least a couple of fun peeeps there.
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Post by where_is_my_mind on Jul 30, 2015 22:35:19 GMT 2
You do? What do you 'ride up' on?
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Post by auntieannie on Jul 30, 2015 22:37:01 GMT 2
on my two feet ;-)
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Post by where_is_my_mind on Jul 30, 2015 22:48:49 GMT 2
You just walk up to a group of strangers and start chatting?! For no reason? What's your icebreaker? If there was a polar opposite of me it would be someone who did that - heh
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Post by lumi on Jul 30, 2015 23:23:54 GMT 2
I tend to do this often as well. I swear that it never gets any easier. If I am feeling super awkward and nothing else comes to mind, the icebreaker tends to be 'are you guys the XXXX group?'. And hopefully people respond from there and natural conversations happen. It's only really awkward when you quickly realise that you have nothing in common with anyone and even basic conersations (liek the weather!) are tough.
But good luck to you, WIMM. I've made some great friends when meeting random groups of strangers.
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Post by where_is_my_mind on Jul 31, 2015 0:05:10 GMT 2
OK for those who 'do this often' how so? In what setting? I'm curious because I don't often inject myself into these situations and I feel like they don't present themselves very often but that's probably because I am avoiding them on some level.
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Post by lumi on Jul 31, 2015 0:32:30 GMT 2
The only reason I tend to do them often is because I relocate to new countries so often and want to meet people and make friends. So I generally organise or attend events through expat websites or general socialising websites for the city that I'm in. I used to do it when I was an active couchsurfer member as well as here would often be prties put on (though I guess i was attending those partly to make local friends as well).
I'm not a fan of going anywhere alone but force myself to do it as I'd otherwise do very little. Even my pilates class was a push each week as I didn't find most people to be very social despite the fact that we saw each other every week. Most seemed to want to chat with the friend they came with and I found it a bit awkward, depending on who showed up each class. I need ot start going again but it's the whole 'going alone' thing that's holding me back.
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Post by auntieannie on Jul 31, 2015 18:26:52 GMT 2
Don't want to tell too much but my hobbies and skills put me in a position where I have to do this regularly. I'm not saying it is easy and no I don't walk up to strangers and address them for fun. But it's either that or stay inside my home. The outcome of more friends/acquaintances and the leads to more work/more patients make it all worth it.
I had a busy social life with my ex before uni, then I started uni and broke up with ex. Now I'm re-building my social life.
Before then, I'd had to do this whole walking up to groups of people I didn't know and introduce myself when I relocated to the UK.
I wouldn't be where I am without having broken my shell. I'd probably gone back to Switzerland fairly quickly if I hadn't made the effort to socialise with strangers.
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Post by Kate_R on Aug 1, 2015 12:11:33 GMT 2
I remember when I joined the local playgroup when LC was about 18 months old ( I know I've done the rocking up alone since, but this was the one that stands out). Playgroup in Australia is a local group of mums and kids who meet up once a week for the kids to play - so a social outlet but not really a super organised daycare or nursery programme.
Anyway, I felt pretty shy and I remember walking out at the end of the meeting thinking they weren't exactly the friendliest bunch - one on one a few were fine but as a whole it seemed a bit cliquey - and that if I weren't doing it for LC I wouldn't go back. I laugh now, because 5 years on I consider one of the women I met in that group to be one of my closest friends.
Another example I can think of is joining a book club.
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Post by trentt on Aug 1, 2015 15:34:19 GMT 2
When I was young I did this easily and naturally. Now I still can do it, but it is not a joy. The last time? Maybe a few years ago, at someone's birthday party. Everyone always thinks I'm "nice", but I can't wait to get out of there.
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Post by rikita on Aug 2, 2015 1:11:13 GMT 2
last group i joined was a climbing group for parents with toddlers, though there you don't stand around and have to start speaking to all of them, its more that some are climbing, some are watching the kids, and when i got there the first time, i first showed a. everything anyway, and helped her settle in, and through her already started speaking to some of the other parents, so it was easy. actually, all the groups of the last years i can think of are parent-child groups, so that's always not too difficult, as there is a common topic. you just compliment someone how cute their baby is or how well their kid is crawling already or something, and then they're happy to talk to you. but maybe those don't really count as "by myself" anyway ...
by myself was probably back when i stayed a lot in hostels while traveling, and trying to get to know people in the hostel's bar or common room ...
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Post by rikita on Aug 2, 2015 1:17:30 GMT 2
just thought of the first time i went to the romanian mother-child group (mostly roma women all coming from the same village in romania) i joined for a while ... there were lots of kids, and most of them a bit wilder than i (and a.) are used to ... so i got there, a. in a wrap on my back (she was still pretty small, maybe half a year?) and when i wanted to let her down from there, several of the women jumped up to help, and a little two year old boy came running to pull at a's legs and try to hug her, and it was all just too much for her and she started wailing, which made the other mothers want to help even more, which scared her even more ... we had a lot of fun in the group later on though, though there always were times when the older kids got a bit too rambunctious for her taste ...
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Post by Voy on Aug 2, 2015 2:20:40 GMT 2
so WIMM -- how did it go??
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Post by Netsuke on Aug 3, 2015 23:05:23 GMT 2
How was it wimm?
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Post by where_is_my_mind on Aug 4, 2015 16:17:22 GMT 2
It was really fun... one of the best nights I've had this summer. Gathered with 18 other moped-ers rode along the Mississippi, stopped for drinks along the way - stayed out way too late. It was great.
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Post by auntieannie on Aug 4, 2015 16:23:55 GMT 2
yey! See... glad you went.
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Post by where_is_my_mind on Aug 4, 2015 18:05:31 GMT 2
yeah me too
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Post by pizzawheel on Aug 4, 2015 22:43:13 GMT 2
I was going to suggest it's easier when there's a prominent single interest.
So you could have rocked up and asked why none of you has a motorbike.
:-)
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) tonight and I very distantly know one person and I already have a nervous stomach about riding up to the group on my own. I'm trying to think of the last time I did something like this and I'm drawing a blank.
